Hitches in families we don’t say out loud

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“Family” is a beautiful positive word. Family is your comfort zone, where you can be yourself with no pretense and nobody judges you. It’s made up of people you come home to after tussling against the world for earning your living, people who stay with you in all your highs and lows and fuel you up with all the warmth and happiness in the world.

But no matter how beautiful any word is, it has some problems. And no I am not talking about the big social problems families face like physical abuse or dowry or child marriage, rather the teeny tiny ones present in all families in some way or the other, which make your easy-peasy life complicated but can be easily overcome by a little bit of thoughtfulness.

We live in the past, hold grudges and do not sort them out “Usne mere saath aise kiya tha isliye ab mai usse baat nahi karta” (He did this to me, that’s why I don’t talk to him now.)

Sometimes, something wrong happens to us, we hold it and keep it with ourselves and spoil our present and future. We keep remembering the wrongdoing, the ill that happened to us so much that we do not realise we are letting it affect something which is fresh, something which can be made even more beautiful and worthy now.

But what is required is to let go the past, to decide to make the present beautiful, to communicate and make an effort to sort things out by letting the other person know instead of holding it to ourselves which just ends up affecting our mind and body.

– We run towards a particular goal crazily and neglect our family “Diwali par agle saal ghar chala jaunga, iss saal chutti nahi leta” (Will go home for the festival next time, work is important)

The goal can be to earn loads and loads of money or to reach any particular social status. But we forget that life is all about balance, it’s about having everything in equal proportions instead of having something in excess. It’s meaningless to sit back and realise that we missed a part of life because we were busy chasing a particular goal.

– We forget that respect is a two-way process “Tu chota hai na, tu beech mein mat bol, tujhe nahi pata” (You are young, you don’t know how the world operates.)

We know that the younger ones are always expected to respect the elderly, to not answer back but sometimes the process becomes one-way. However, the elderly must realise that no matter how much experience they have, the younger ones can too be right sometimes. There should always be a room for healthy discussions where the younger ones not only listen and do what they are asked to, but give suggestions or speak their heart out.

We unknowingly work according to the convenience of the society “Log kya kahenge” (What will people say)

We do so many things to please the people who can never be pleased, whose remarks are temporary, short-lived and change very frequently. We try to function according to what the society tells us to, decide children’s professions, spend loads of money on children’s weddings instead of utilizing it in a more better way and what not.

But what is required is that we realise that it is family that matters and not the society. Our own sense of judgement about what is right and what is wrong should be brought out instead of blindly accepting what the society tells us to do.

We forget the practice of self-love “Uska kaam ho jaye, mera na bhi ho to koi baat nahi” (His thing is important, mine can wait)

No matter at what stage of life you are, you must always love yourself and never keep yourself after others. No, I do not say to do nothing for your family or become selfish, do what is required, do what your duty is and what you want to do, but don’t forget that you too are an individual who deserves love. One must never end up with the thought that he did so much for others but his efforts never got reciprocated or he forgot loving himself in the process.

We compare “Uski life sahi chalri hai, mai kuch nahi kar raha” (It’s just me who is unproductive, rest everybody is doing good.)

As goes the beautiful quote, Comparison is the thief of joy. We think that somebody else is leading a blessed life and we aren’t. All thanks to social media, this comparison has become even more toxic. But comparison leaves us with nothing. Nobody’s life is perfect, everybody has their share of joys and sorrows. What we need to do is to compare our lives with what it was before, to try to improve, grow and make it even more wonderful place to live in.

Concludingly, I am pretty sure there may be more teeny tiny flaws which one can always work on. And I am also sure the ones I have listed along with what can be done to solve them sound ideal and impractical. But a little bit of mindfulness here and there does wonders. Family ties are the strongest. We face the biggest of highs and lows and still stick around. But the ride would be even more beautiful if we try to keep in mind these small things. 🙂

Do let me know in comments section any point that I missed or any opinion of yours which conflicts mine.

10 thoughts on “Hitches in families we don’t say out loud

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